An Early Epitaph to Java

While I’m in Perth trying to fight off the drunk eBay withdrawals I figure I’d share with you a short poem thingy that I wrote as an epitaph of sorts to a framework that causes me no end of unnecessary woe.


Here is your golden watch. I know it has only been 20 years, but you’ve made it feel like 25.
Take the damn watch.
You promised big applications in a tiny package. If only we would take the time to install the right version of your JRE. But bandwidth and storage are no longer a problem.
Take the damn watch.
You’ve lead a long and eventful runtime. You’ve left us with so many caches, some of which we’d like clear; you’ve always known they were just temporary internet files and that this had to come sometime.
Take the damn watch.
It’s time to retire to the classroom. You can serve as a warning to the children of technology misused and share with them your neatly collected memory registers of applets long parsed until that final semicolon.
But take the damn watch.
You’re old and not so capable anymore. I find myself spending more time cleaning up after you than you ever spent cleaning up after me. I guess the objective here is to ask you to exit loop.
For fuck sake! Take the fucking watch!

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